#2. The happiest days of our lives

And I mean the title in a very sarcastic way.

So where do I begin with this. A lot of bad stuff happened this week. Let’s recount, shall we?

Monday-Wednesday: The same boring cycle of rehearsals and meetings for the drama club I’m in. While I do look forward to meetings (I get to zone out AND feel relevant at the same time), the rehearsals, eh… not so much.

It’s probably because I get to see her again. Her, who I held in such high regard, thinking we would make such a good team. Her, who I was okay with just being friends with, even after I was rejected. But getting over her came with a cost.

I put down the kaleidoscope that I viewed her with and starting seeing with my own eyes. She was not as perfect as I made her out to be. And that’s my fault for even making an illusion of her in the first place. And I feel nothing but self-loathe for raising my expectations.

At this point, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do. She confronted me a few days ago about this, and I’m not sure whether I wanna talk about my irrational hatred. But that’s not all about this week.


And it’s unpleasant to know that I was part of why it went wrong. There are several parts of the Service where I was supposed to present a thurible (filled with burning charcoal and incense) to the Priest. But I didn’t get to do any of those parts.

And it was because slow-witted me forgot to tend to the fire that was supposed to light up the charcoal and it went out. As a result, for the entirety of the Service, I was left in a panicked state, even though I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better.

With that, I ended up spending the whole of Good Friday feeling miserable for myself. And checking social media didn’t help too. Turns out watching people live their happy lives doesn’t help to ease the pain. Ugh. Happiness.

Anyways, I don’t think I’ll be serving another major Service/Mass anytime soon.

But after all that happened this week, at least I still have the weekends to look forward to before school starts on Monday, right? And if not, at least the Sun’s still shining, I’ve got a roof over my head and I’m alive. I think. But now’s not the time for discussing the purpose behind our existence. That’s for another time.

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